Tag Archives: Life’s Questions

Questions You Just Can’t Answer – Joke

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? 

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? 

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? 

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? 

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’? 

What is the speed of darkness? 

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours? 

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? 

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?  

Did you ever stop and wonder……  

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’  

Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.’  

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?  

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? 

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? 

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?  

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs !  

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?  

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?  

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?  

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? 

Stop singing and read on……  

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?  

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? 

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?  

 

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Some Questions To Ponder Part 2 – Jokes

19.  WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

20.  ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON’T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

21. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

22.  IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?
23.  IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

24.  IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

25.  WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD ‘LISP’ TO HAVE ‘S’ IN IT?

26.  WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED ‘HEMORRHOIDS’ INSTEAD OF ‘ASSTEROIDS’?

27.  WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN’T SHOOT AT THEM?

28.  WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

29.  CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD?

30. HOW BIG WAS HAIL BEFORE THEY INVENTED GOLF BALLS?
31. ARE SHELLED NUTS IN OR OUT OF THE SHELL?

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Some Questions To Ponder Part 1 – Jokes

1.  ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR…..

3.  ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5.  THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6.  I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, ‘WHERE’S THE SELF-HELP SECTION?’ SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7.  WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8.  IF A DEAF PERSON SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9.  IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10.   IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11.  WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO ‘GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?’

12.  WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13.  IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14.  WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15.  WHY DO THEY LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?  ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16.  If A TURTLE DOESN’T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17.  CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18.  IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME ARTIST, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

To Be Continued!…………..

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