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Turning A Rough Silk Purse Into A Sow’s Ear!

Well, this morning I decided to “surprise” someone ( and as it turns out, myself in the process ) by attempting to produce the appearance of an all-out girlie for the first time in god alone knows how long!

Time, competance, and as it is turning out, sheer lack of useable warpaint is currently weighing heavily against a positive result!

Morning coffee… successfully achieved

Shower…. bloody freezing

School-run…. lunch made and packed, books in bag, everything by the door, achieved

Painting toe nails…. well, they DID look kinda fab for a brief instant, I remembered reading somewhere that less is definately more when applying, so resisted the temptation to go over each nail more than the once, actually didn’t get varnish on the sides of the toes, like I usually do…then decided my feet were cold and put fluffy slippers on without thinking…..

I wonder if cute furry-edged toe nails might now become a “thing” ???

Next I tried to drag a brush through still-wet ( and heavily un-conditioned as I discovered I had run out!) hair…. result… mad knotted mass of straw…ok so maybe a hat might be a good plan for later, somehow I suspect the Worzel Gummidge look isn’t quite going to have the desired effect!

On to face, make-up and eyes….spending longer trying to sharpen an eyeliner pencil than actually applying make-up at present, four old stubs later and none will sharpen, it appears they’ve broken inside. Attempting to draw a reasonably straight line on eyes armed with a broken piece of liner pencil held with a pair of tweezers is NOT to be recommended, the red-eye weeping look is, as with the hair, NOT going to produce the desired effect either!

Half an hour of trying to draw lines, conceal other lines, smudge, re-apply and curse my way through the war paint exercise, I THOUGHT I’d managed an overall look of reasonably chic if slightly overdone middle-aged ready to go out on the town effect.

Go to wake son up to get ready for school…… ok, so maybe he’d just had a bad dream before he opened his eyes, but the look of sheer terror on his face will haunt me for a while.

His first words, once he’d fully awakened were “ooh mum is it Halloween today?”

Ok, so it’s going to be a case of wobbling up to the village shop on never-before worn heels and placing a wanted card in the window… Werewolfess seeking suitably blind mate

The school run is going to be interesting!

Sow’s ear Wurzel Gummidge Clown look…. achieved!



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You simply HAVE to read this, I promise you’ll feel peckish because of it!

Happiness Stan Lives Here

You see a lot of recipes on WordPress that don’t contain ingredients you would usually expect to see (eg Meatless Roast Chicken or Gluten-free, Lactose-free, Everything-free. I also like the ‘Paleo’ thing – its grains free, right?)

Anyway I was going to make Banoffee Pie. I bought the ingredients – cream, biscuits, chocolate, bananas. Then I forgot about it and the cream went off and bananas went black.

So I went out and bought some more cream and bananas. And forgot about it again. The bananas went black again but the cream was okay. To stop the cycle of banana abuse I decided to employ the kids in preparing something with the remaining ingredients, so we got busy and made something up:

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Raise funds for Breast Cancer Care and have a clear out

A guest post, I thought I’d include this as it is for a good cause, and I’m all for decluttering too (because I’m so good at it…..*lies through teeth)

Across the globe, nearly each and every one of us has done something for charity at one point in our lives. Whether you ran a marathon for Breast Cancer Care or donated clothes and food for homeless shelters, everybody will have done their bit to help others.

It’s a nice feeling helping others, there are so many people worse off than ourselves, and it is important for us to do our bit. The latest trend in raising funds is to have a full clear out of all of your out of date entertainment and sell them through Music Magpie for charity.

How to have a clear out for Breast Cancer…

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2011 in review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 34,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 13 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Ever Had One Of THOSE Days!

  Well, I am currently having one right now, actually, it’s been more like one of those weeks!

Anything and everything that could possibly go wrong….has. Last week started with my receiving a huge bill for the gas…….I have had to keep the heating on a fair bit for two reasons..BabyMibs got really ill just before Christmas and due to all the swine flu “regulations” the local docs, AFTER going through his symptoms, told me NOT to bring him in there nor to the hospital, but to keep him home , warm and give him plenty of fluids. The nurse told me not to worry about the heating bills, just to worry about him! Obviously I was worried about nothing BUT him, but it’s easy to say don’t worry about the bills when you don’t have to pay them!

 The second reason for the heating was the recurrence of a nasty damp and mould problem in my flat which has resulted in both mine and BabyMibs clothing getting ruined and thrown away due to being too furry even to wash through ( and I did try) My landlords answer was to keep the heating on to inhibit the mould growth! Again, easy for him to say!

Suffice to say that even before the price hikes I would have been struggling to pay this huge bill, as it is we won’t be eating much at all for at least six months just to get it paid off!

 THEN followed the humiliating experience of a job interview at a well known cardboard burger- flipping joint, not as a flipping-slave mind you, but as an OUTSIDE RUBBISH COLLECTOR, part-time!

Whilst awaiting the interviewer, ( I was well on time for said interview, he made me wait an hour!) a kindly flipper gave me a coffee, and chatted for a while…turns out I didn’t have a cats hope in heck of gaining this revered position as the unwritten remit was to employ a teen straight out of school due to wages costs!

I would gladly have done the job at a lower rate just to have a job, and said so once the interview had gotten underway and it had become obvious that my responses to his questions weren’t even being listened to, turns out it is against the law to pay a lower rate!

How crazy is that?

Mind you, it sure beats the usual excuse I get, bearing in mind that I am probably far too honest for my own good, “ you are overqualified for this position “ Someone please explain to me how you can be too qualified to be broke???????????????????????

I really don’t give a monkeys what I do for a job, so long as they pay me, and preferably remember to say thanks once in a while!

 By Thursday, I figured nothing else could go wrong when I woke up to discover that Chumbles the cat had deigned to throw up..not on the floor nor indeed outside, but in MY KITCHEN all over the toaster of all things!

He then waited for me to clean it all up, and did it again within minutes of my finishing disinfecting the whole area!

You need to know here that I can handle pretty much anything EXCEPT vomit!

And no, don’t worry fellow cat slaves out there, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him except his aversion to my having to buy cheap own-brand cat food these past few weeks, his protests have been quietly but surely building up since Christmas and this was his latest attempt at showing his disgust………at least HE gets to eat everyday!

Any cat owner who has a similar “character” as a companion will definitely know where I am coming from!

 Phew, thought I, surely that’s it, everything comes in threes, nothing else can surely go wrong now!

 Cue, a nice yellow letter from our beloved leadership telling me what I should be eating and how I should be living, hell we would love to guys IF ONLY I COULD AFFORD TO!

 And that little yellow letter has made me red with fury….and given me my next blogpost material!

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