‘I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want — and I don’t expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.
I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules. Any comments?
His new bride said:
‘No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night…whether you’re here or not.’
(DARN SHE’S GOOD!)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, ‘When you die, I’m getting you a headstone
that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife — Cold As Ever’!’‘
that reads, ‘Here Lies My Husband — Stiff At Last’!’(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Husband gets up in a rage and says, ‘And you are no good in bed either,’ and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says, ‘What took you so long to answer to the phone?’
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,’Please wake me at 5:00 AM.’ He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn’t wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM.
Wake up.’Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there
is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.