The next three weeks that I had to wait for the powers-that-be to complete Andre’s autopsy were a bit of a nightmare haze to be honest. I had to go to a funeral parlour and sort that out, ( a totally new experience for me), with me really wanting the very best and not having the funds to do even that for him!
The slowly put-off but once decided, duly executed in one day decision to donate all the baby clothes and equipment I had gotten ready to folks on Freecycle………
The eventual funeral itself, a drizzly grey day, no attendees except myself and an unusually well-behaved at the time BabyMibs…..I carried Baby Andre’s tiny coffin from the hearse to the grave, and BabyMibs carried a single white rose for him.
No fanfare, no fuss, my darling Andre went to heaven as quickly and as quietly as he had arrived in my life some months earlier.
The hardest thing to come to terms with for me I think was the fact that the autopsy showed no reason for what happened at all, he looked absolutely perfect and I have been given no real answers.
Now, this last part goes out to anyone out there who has gone through or may be going through the same situation………….
I cannot even bring myself to visit his grave, let alone look at the photographs I have, it doesn’t mean I don’t think of him every day, it’s just the odd way I am dealing with it. However you feel, whatever you wish to do, GO AHEAD and do NOT feel guilty.
Above all, DO try to find someone to talk to about it if you can, I think that would have made my life a lot easier at the time if just one of my friends had sat and talked ( and yes, I know there are “groups” out there, but for me that’s not what I needed)
To all those who know someone in this situation, please do offer to listen, and try offering again several times after you get turned down…………do remember that when all goes well, everyone is happy to speak about the new arrival, buy clothes, toys etc, yet when it all goes wrong, that is the loneliest place an expectant mother/father/couple can ever be in.
Especially when the Doctors Surgery calls after a month asking you to bring your newborn in for a checkup!
Even if you cannot talk to them, at the very least, go hug them, hold their hands, something other than change the subject or avoid them.
That’s about all I have in me to say folks, thank you for bearing with me, I do so hope I haven’t depressed anyone too much, and hope that if I can change the whole mindset around these sad events even just a little bit then it was worth it.